His Reason to Stay Read online

  Only lately…

  He shrugged off the concern and smiled at Caleb. “Kinda like the stud is for you. You and Lucas created it. You made it what it is. The rush of finding the right stallion, of mating and breeding the best of the best. Could you push through the down times if you didn’t know that exhilaration was waiting for you at some point?”

  His brother looked back at the new foal and smiled. “Yeah, yeah, I get it. But do you have to get your rush away from us all the time? I mean, isn’t there something around here you could shoot?”

  That unease slid under his skin again, and he rolled his neck. “I’m pretty sure the Smokies have been covered in depth and at length.”

  “But not by the famous Elijah Ellis.”

  He grinned. “That’s true.”

  “Eli?”

  His younger brother Lucas waved him over to another stall. Caleb followed.

  “Got a new contract with Lost Time Pictures. Movie’s filming in North Carolina soon. Maybe you can drop by, if you’re still around?” Lucas rocked on his boot heels, hands shoved in his pockets.

  Caleb snorted. “I give him two weeks—tops.”

  Lucas studied him, apparently waiting on a response. One Eli would love to give but in reality, he didn’t know.

  He nudged Lucas. “If you got money playing, let me know. I’ll give you the edge.”

  Caleb frowned and slapped his back. “Two weeks or two days, it’s good to have you.”

  The families dispersed, and he moved with his brothers, enjoying the back and forth as they argued the wording of a non-compete clause. Sam and Becky had their heads bowed together ahead of them, leading the group back up the flagstone path. He knew when he finally left Gatlinburg and returned to his job that the Ellises’ companies and fortune were in good hands with Sam, Lucas, and Caleb. Even Becky, once she finished school, would be a damn sight better at managing any of the aspects of the billion-dollar company than him.

  Happiness mingled with his grief. It was good to be home, despite the circumstances, to laugh with his brothers and hug his baby sister. When he was out on shoots, he missed them. Often recalled the jokes or the hikes and rides through the mountains and the discussions fueled by the activity. But despite the loss he felt when he left, he could never stay for too long.

  The business world, the meetings, the tie and suit, it all combined to slowly suffocate him. In fact, the only times he’d managed to stay longer than a week or two was when Tabby was around, and he could hang with her at the Distillery.

  Eli was lost in memories and halfway back to The Lodge when he realized Tabby wasn’t with them.

  …

  The foal ceased its nudging and was now curled up on the hay, fast asleep. Tabby couldn’t take her eyes off the sweet, majestic creature. She’d seen any number over the years, and yet this little gray guy had wormed its way into her soon-to-be-a-mother’s heart.

  He was less than twenty-four hours old and already so strong and independent, his mother carefully watching and stroking him for reassurance. She cradled her nearly flat stomach. Would she have the instinct? Would she be enough for this baby?

  Guilt wrapped around her heart and squeezed. She could have told everyone then. Should have told them. Given them something to cling to during their grief. Like she’d been clinging. But that small concern…that everything wasn’t quite in the clear. That she needed reassurance from her doctor before sharing. Because she absolutely would not be the one to crush fragile hopes.

  And Eli? Well, it would be so much easier to share the news with him in a letter, when he was in a foreign country and unable to rush back. He was already obsessively hovering, and he hadn’t been in her presence even twenty-four hours. If he found out she was growing a new life, she could picture the set chin, firm mouth, and dark brown eyes ordering her to get off her feet and let him handle it.

  It wasn’t that he thought her weak. No, she could handle her own, and he knew it. Appreciated it. Had complimented her several times when he’d witnessed her backbone and stubborn chin. But between them, he’d always viewed her as his. Not a possession, but more as a comrade that he respected. Someone he wanted the best for, and since he always believed he knew best, those thoughts included her. Never stepping on toes, more like laying a coat over the puddle and watching her cross.

  And now, when things were so willy-nilly, with emotions scattered and hormones racing, and memories of their night still fresh even after fifteen months, if he offered, or rather demanded, she wasn’t sure she would be strong enough to decline.

  And declining was the only choice.

  “Planning to escape without saying good-bye?”

  Tabby glanced over her shoulder to see Eli leaning against the sliding barn doors. Hands casually shoved in his pockets, although the tenseness in his frame told a different, more focused story. His button-down shirt was loose at the neck and revealed a peek of a chest chiseled and honed from hiking and backpacking in some of the most remote places on earth. She knew that chest, remembered her fingertips swirling in the rough hair, tracing each muscle.

  “Of course not.” If he noticed the waver in her voice, he chose to ignore it.

  “Do you have time tomorrow to go to the graves with me?”

  Lord, she had to say yes. It was beyond fair to return support that he’d given to her on a silver platter. A constant in her life even when she hadn’t asked for it. But more time with him meant more opportunity for him to look at just the right moment… Regardless of her concerns, she nodded.

  He prowled toward her and didn’t stop until the heat from his body invaded every inch of hers. He looked down, passion and concern in that hooded brown gaze.

  “You going to tell me what’s going on with you?”

  If she lied again, he would know. She’d been lucky to get away with it earlier this evening. He always called her out before the lie had left her lips. But the truth was too dangerous. Too much.

  “I’m just overwhelmed. Their deaths, the company, the responsibility for things I’m not sure I can handle.”

  It wasn’t just the baby that could anchor Eli. It was her new role in Brodie Whiskey. A role she’d never wanted and wasn’t prepared to handle. Only she had to. She was the only Brodie left. A Brodie had headed up Brodie Distillery since its inception, and despite knowing she would be terrible at the job and could never fill the shoes her sister had created, she would do it. Or go down trying.

  He slid his arms around her, and she laid her head on a chest so hard yet so comforting. Enveloped in his warmth and concern, the words, I’m pregnant, begged to be spoken.

  “I’m here, Tabby. I’ll do whatever I can while I’m home to get you through this.”

  And the words floated away, replaced by firm resolve. As much as she craved to set everything on his strong shoulders, it would come with a weight that would destroy his very soul. He would leave. He needed to leave.

  “I know, Eli. You’ve always been my rock. Thank you for that. But I imagine it’s time to build a new foundation. One with my own two hands.”

  He pushed her back slightly. “Who says you can’t have help with laying it?”

  She laughed. “Don’t think I’m strong enough?”

  His gaze deepened. “I know you are. You’re the strongest woman I’ve ever known, and that included my mamma, God rest her soul, who dealt with Sean Ellis for more than twenty years.”

  His faith was a potent force. The moment heavy with a confession and something more. Remnants of their night together lingered in that barn. Her gaze rose to the loft area where their bodies had communed as only two bodies who recognized each other’s soul could. When tension infused the forearms cradling her smaller body, she realized something showed on her face.

  “Things don’t have to be awkward between us,” he whispered.

  She couldn’t have stopped t
he kiss, nor did she want to. She might not lean on him, might try to keep her secret hidden for as long as he was here, but that didn’t mean she didn’t crave to feel him again. Wrap herself up in his body and the tender way he’d brought her to peaks with skilled fingers and tongue.

  Tabby slid her hands up into hair that brushed the collar of his shirt. He angled his head and swept her mouth with such authority that her knees shook with the intensity. Eli knew her. Knew her body, knew her soul, her secrets, her fantasies. Well, except for one. When you had that much connection, it roared through you on a freight train of passion. Her already sensitive breasts swelled in her bra and nearly sent her moaning into his mouth as the tortured peaks met the immovable force of his chest.

  Eli maneuvered them step by step until her back came up against the barn wall. It was only the cool boards breaching the haze of passion that allowed her to release her hold on his head and slide hands between them, gently pushing him back.

  He relented, although she could sense the reluctance.

  “That—”

  “Was perfect,” Eli countered before she even made her argument. And with stark passion written in every line of Eli’s face, it was next to impossible for Tabby to remember why she wanted to argue.

  She slid away from him, and he let her go. She couldn’t breathe with the emotions and sensations tied up together. She and Eli were never meant to be. Especially now with the pregnancy. She couldn’t depend on him, not because he wasn’t dependable, but because he would give it 100 percent to the detriment of his happiness. She may not believe in herself, but she still needed to stand on her own two feet.

  She couldn’t have Eli as her future, but she still wanted him as her friend.

  He moved behind her and slid his arms around, resting them on her stomach.

  Oh God.

  Yearning so deep urged her to tell him, confide and let this be the moment they made a pact to help the next generation. His strong, warm hands anchored her. Strengthened her.

  “I thought of that night often in Bolivia. Recalled it, replayed it.”

  Bolivia. The warmth drained away, leaving her cold and missing something she should have never wanted. Eli dropped a kiss on her head. “Let me help you. Support you while I’m home.”

  She turned in his arms and kissed his cheek. “Thank you for always being there. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  Stepping through the barn doors, she didn’t slow her stride. He would follow. It was as certain as the fact that he would continue to watch and wonder about her while he was here. At least one benefit of taking over a company she’d never planned to run was that she would be so busy the next few weeks that maybe she could manage to avoid Eli through most of it. Her heart and body screamed in defiance, but her brain knew it was the sane choice. The logical one. The only choice left to her in a life that, recently, had so many choices taken away.

  Tabby arrived at the house and grabbed her things. She made her farewells, steadfastly ignoring the big alpha male stalking behind her like she was his next meal.

  Sam came over and hugged her, providing a brief reprieve from the intense brown gaze of his twin. “So I’ll see you Friday.”

  Tabby nodded, checking her phone and muttering something about too much time spent on email.

  “And you’re sure you don’t want to share a ride?”

  She patted his arm. “No. I appreciate the offer, but there’s a friend I’m visiting in Asheville.”

  Sam winked. “Anyone you want to introduce me to?”

  A smile bloomed. “As if you need my help, Mr. Flashy Dimples.”

  They both laughed, and Tabby made her escape. One that wasn’t blocked by the brooding male in the corner.

  Chapter Three

  Eli and Tabby took the lane through the woods in silence. The hemlocks in this grove towered over in protection even as blooms of mountain laurel splashed at the trunks. The heaviness of what they moved toward made chit-chat impossible. She longed to reach for Eli’s hand. To provide the support to him as he’d done so many times for her. But touching him was a tinder short of an explosion, as evidenced by the unwise kiss last night. So she needed to be content with putting the support out in waves and hoping it would be enough.

  The lane broke into a clearing, and the sun spotlighted the marble stages marking the final bow of so many loved ones. The newly turned earth was the only indication of change among a grove that had been protecting Brodies for the past two hundred years and the Ellises more recently.

  Eli stopped, and Tabby risked a glance, only to see him repeatedly swallowing. She dropped her gaze, allowing him the moment. When he made no move toward the stones, she threw her no-touching edict out the window and reached for his hand. He clung like a two year old staring up at the giant slide. She squeezed in reassurance, and a moment later, they walked toward their families’ final resting places.

  Tabby wasn’t aware she’d started crying, but seeing her family’s names, even now, brought home the loss like a shot of a paintball. Small but mighty. She knew her mother, father, and sister weren’t there, that they’d gone off to wherever spirits went, but it was her last connection to them here on earth.

  “Tell me about the funeral.”

  Eli had dropped her hand and now stood in front of his father’s grave, which lay next to his mother’s.

  “It was peaceful and a celebration of their lives.” She laughed. “I think half the people thought us mad when they found out we held it at Gatlin Falls, but it seemed fitting to use the chapel.” She swallowed a lump. “You know, since your parents and even Maisie and Isaiah were married there.”

  Eli snorted. “I can only imagine how high some noses went at being forced to a paltry amusement park.”

  “Yeah, well, they got over it once the food and whiskey started flowing.”

  “And who spoke?”

  “I did.”

  Tabby heard the snap of his head. “Why?”

  She crossed her arms and faced him “Why not?”

  “Settle the claws, Tabby. I just meant why not Sam or Lydia or—”

  “I wanted to. I owed them everything. They were my family. They respected who I was and what I was comfortable with. Those people with their noses in the air only knew the money, the riches, the faces we put out to the corporate world. But I needed them to see the fathers and the sister and the brother, too. That they were more than their last name.”

  “I’m surprised Sam didn’t fight you.”

  “Sam sang.”

  “He what?”

  Tabby faltered. The blood had drained from Eli’s face. His chin tucked against his chest as his shoulders slumped. It wasn’t a secret that Sam sang, but the Eli standing in front of her was hurt, and she really didn’t want to add to it any more than she had.

  He opened his mouth several times before asking. “What did he sing?”

  “‘How Great Thou Art.’”

  “Mamma’s favorite.”

  Tabby could only nod. Emotion clogged her throat and weighted her limbs. A black bear could come and pay its respects, and she would still be there, waiting to be dessert.

  Eli stood with his eyes closed, muscles bunched under clenched fists. “Could you give me a minute?”

  “Of course.” She left him there, the sun glinting off his obsidian hair. Leaves crunched under her heels, and the cool air of the forest hit her as she stepped back onto the lane and out of the clearing. What was he thinking? What nerve had been hit? She knew he carried guilt about missing the funerals, knew that this was his personal time to say good-bye, and yet something more had transpired when she’d told him of the funeral. Something had hit a chord deep within his soul. A soul that already struggled with so much.

  And her? Well, she struggled, too. She’d struggled at the funeral. Had wanted so desperately to stand up there and prove to everyon
e and herself that despite not planning for it, she could be the head Brodie, and what had happened?

  She’d faltered, froze, let emotion overwhelm, and Sam had stepped in.

  Rescued by an Ellis.

  She wouldn’t force another one to do it again.

  …

  Tabby was out of sight but still within range. Eli’s body, while not hyperaware, still sensed her near enough to be on edge. It seemed wrong to send her away. She’d provided that silent support she’d always done, even when he would never have asked for it in a million years. And yet the guilt, guilt so large he’d never, ever be able to lock it back away, rose up and overshadowed the moment. He didn’t deserve to have her support now.

  This visit was meant to be hard. It was his final good-bye to his father and brother. Two men he’d looked up to and admired his whole life. Men he’d emulated, even if they wouldn’t have seen it that way. But he hadn’t expected it to open up a wound that he worried would bleed for the rest of his life. He’d missed the funeral. Missed being with them their final days. Hell, he’d somehow missed for more than thirty years that his twin brother sang. What guy was so disconnected from his family that he missed all this? And why? Because he had a career? Because he’d needed to prove himself? Be something separate from what his parents had hoped for him?

  Eli shook his head and growled, every thought bitter on his tongue and leaving his skin too tight.

  His job was a cop out.

  He’d been selfish in carving his own way. Proud and determined and selfish and it had cost him this. Cost him moments of joy with his family. Moments to learn the things that made them each unique, that drove them. Moments to care.

  But the alternative wasn’t an option. He wasn’t the corporate brother. He couldn’t take the meetings and be stuck in offices answering email after email. Being home now was a reminder of everything he’d given up and lost in his quest to be Elijah. All that was left was a company he had forsaken and a family he’d let down.