His Reason to Stay Read online

  But tragedy and grief had taken that potential away. She would stay in Gatlinburg, and he couldn’t. So he reached for her hand and smiled. “I would like that.”

  Once again, a fake, brittle smile crossed her face. “Well, I should get up to the house. I suck at the whole leading the company sorta thing, but…” She shrugged, and her shoulders appeared to have the weight of ten worlds on them.

  Eli understood more than she could explain. Neither of them had planned or desired to lead their families’ lucrative companies. Tabby had been content to be the hands-on manufacturing head, and eventual Master Distiller, while Maisie, her sister, had been the sleek, professional, marketing genius who hadn’t minded being the face of Brodie Whiskey, groomed to take over one day.

  He, on the other hand, hadn’t wanted the corporate office or the schmoozy job of either the International Amusement business or the Percheron stud. He’d been determined to follow his passion and be more than Elijah Ellis, one of the Ellis boys. He was proud of his parents and their hard work to create the amazing enterprises. He just hadn’t wanted to follow in their footsteps.

  When his mother died, the grief had stifled him even more than the future staring him down. He’d left Gatlinburg three days after her burial with a plan to never get caught up in the Ellis legacy.

  Thankfully, he’d had an older brother and a twin who were perfectly content to let him follow his own path. His father, while reserved, had also encouraged him. He was rich in satisfaction and pride and had developed a name and following for himself. But most important, he’d maintained the control. No surprises. No unexpected twists and turns. Until now.

  Tabby shifted beside him. “How long are you staying?”

  Something pretty damn identical to disappointment washed over him, leaving his chest tight and the beginnings of a frown on his face. Did she not even want him to stay? To help her during what he knew would be a near-impossible adjustment? Sure, his track record on visits was pretty short, but this was different. She was different.

  “Not sure.” He nudged her shoulder as they walked down the steps. “But I think you’ll be stuck with me for at least a month.” Any longer and he was sure he would lose a little of himself in the family fold. Start becoming another “Ellis” rather than Elijah.

  “I’m sure that makes Sam and your other siblings happy.”

  “And what about you?” He hadn’t meant to ask. But they’d stepped into the glorious morning sunlight, and she glowed. Her raven hair wound up on her head, exposing her neck, the loose shirt becoming sheer enough that her curves, that he’d loved for as long as he’d recognized women’s curves, were silhouetted against the blinding light. Crystal blue eyes the color of the ocean off the coast of Africa blinked up at him. Those same eyes had looked at him with trust and passion that night in the loft of the birthing barn. How did she feel about him now? How did she feel about that night? Why does it even matter?

  Fifteen months was a long time. She could have someone else, love someone else. His chest burned, and his breathing grew tight.

  “Of course I’m happy.” She reached up and placed a kiss on his cheek. “I’m sure I’ll see you soon.” Tabby walked away. He followed her trek down the path between the other malting houses and toward the main cabin. Her head dropped, and her arms held her body for all it was worth.

  The woman who disappeared from sight wasn’t Tabitha Brodie. Something was off. And even though he knew grief played a part in her reaction, there was something more to it. Did she regret their night together? Had it meant more to him than her? Did she not know how to act around him anymore?

  They hadn’t seen each other since the night of the wedding. His two subsequent trips home had coincided with business trips for Tabby, one to Scotland and another out to the farms in the Midwest that supplied the distillery’s barley. If it hadn’t been for the fact that even he didn’t know when he would come home, he wondered if she hadn’t purposefully avoided him.

  Eli shoved his hands in his pockets and headed back to his truck, kicking a stone with each step. The scent of ethanol and yeast swirled through the morning sun, combining with the scent of mountain laurel. The tops of the hemlocks and maples swayed in the breeze, their spring foliage vibrant and green, the characteristic fog having burned off an hour ago. He’d traveled many places over his career and still wasn’t sure if anything was as beautiful as these Tennessee woods.

  Thoughts mounted around the uneasiness between he and Tabby. The basic brush off she’d thrown his way didn’t sit on his shoulders no matter what excuse he could come up with. Not to mention the physical changes clearly happening to her.

  Tabby mattered to him, and whatever burden or problem she carried, he would help her with, whether she wanted it or not. And if it related to their night together, he would deal with that and help ease the awkwardness.

  Another memory of her silken skin brushing his filtered through his mind. Why their night together mattered, he didn’t know, but he would have to let it go. He would help Tabby with this new role in her life while home. A role she hadn’t been prepared for and had never wanted. And maybe he could discover what was off with her. Then when he left Gatlinburg, Eli would be satisfied Tabby was once again safe and protected.

  His phone roared. A quick swipe and he smiled at his twin brother Sam’s message.

  Dinner tonight with the Brodies

  Chapter Two

  Tabby had never considered herself a coward. She’d been the first to jump off the cliffs at The Sinks. The first to tackle one of the Ellis boys when they’d tugged her braids. And she could down whiskey faster than most men in her late father’s circle of friends. But standing beside her truck, looking up at the Ellis family home, she would give away all her millions to turn tail and hide in the woods.

  The Lodge loomed over her, daring her to step inside. As if it knew her secret and knew that if she did enter, she stood a pretty good chance of being outed.

  She’d successfully hid her pregnancy by truly hiding. Easy to do when she was knee deep in grief and taking over a million-dollar company. But she’d managed to avoid even family situations for the most part, and since they were all locked up in their own grief, it had been easy.

  Part of her was being selfish. The baby was the only thing Tabby had left. A gift left behind from the tragedy, but she was also being protective of her family. It was still early, and the last thing she needed was to give them a glimmer of hope, only to destroy it if something happened. So she would protect herself and them for a bit longer until her doctor confirmed everything looked good.

  Of course, Eli and his damn intuitive ways hadn’t figured into her little plan. If anyone would sniff it out, he was the damn bloodhound to do it. She’d counted on being far enough along and have the backing of their families before he found out. Add to that the passion all but flaring inside her from the moment she laid eyes on him again and her little plan had a ton of flaws.

  It had seemed so simple to share the night with him. She’d secretly loved him for as long as she could remember, and she’d known he would take care of her for her first time. But if he found out about her choices that night and her faith in him, he would stay.

  Eli would stay because he wouldn’t be able not to.

  And she would be damned if she was the reason he’d stick around Gatlinburg—if her so-called need for support in both raising the baby and in taking over Brodie Whiskey led Eli to throw away the life he had created.

  Resentment would come, and it would turn ugly. She would never be a person who used her circumstances to prey upon the good in him. Ever.

  Buckle up, Tabby. Time to put on a show.

  She pushed through the front door and took a deep breath. The Lodge opened up before her in three stories of rustic glamor. The smell of pine and cinnamon wrapped around her like a velvet cloak on a fall night. Sean, Eli’s dad, had built it for hi
s wife, Ruth, as a wedding present, or so she’d been told. Although no expense had been spared, the massive compound was still a home. And with six children, including the Brodies most times, running loose over every inch of the 12,000 square foot cabin, it had overflowed with joy.

  Now it was encased in grief. Although Tabby knew it would survive this blow as it had survived the blow of Ruth Ellis’s death.

  “Tabby.”

  She turned to see Sam, Eli’s twin and now defacto head of the Ellis family, walking down the hallway from the library. She met him halfway and exchanged a warm and comforting hug.

  She’d wondered over the years why it was Eli and not Sam who brought the warm and fuzzies to her tomboy heart, when they were identical in all physical ways. But she realized it had been Eli’s soul that had kept her dreaming of a future with him.

  Sam stepped back and squeezed her hands. “Lydia and the others are already in the family room.”

  “Sorry I’m late. Dealing with a few things took longer than expected.”

  Line-bracketed eyes softened. Sam knew all about picking up the reins of a horse you’d never expected to ride. He clapped her on the shoulder like one of his brothers. “Chin up, kid. We can do this.”

  She laughed. “Yes, we can.”

  They walked toward the back of the house and came into a room full of conversation, although short of the liveliness usually exuded when their families got together. Tabby couldn’t help but immediately seek out Eli and found his brown eyes rapidly cataloging her. She suppressed the shiver and gave thanks for the loose tunic she wore. She’d always dressed for comfort, and it was coming in handy to help hide her secret. Not that her body had changed much, but her breasts were already swollen, and a small pooch, much earlier than expected, had formed. She’d always been petite and curvy, but voom had definitely been added to the VaVa. Even if the morning sickness gave her pale skin a sunken pallor.

  She smiled and waved to everyone, ignoring the tray of drinks and bee-lining for the club soda set up against the wall. It took Eli exactly ten seconds to make his way to her side.

  “I didn’t think you were going to show up.” Eli nudged her, and Tabby ignored the hooting and hollering of her nerves. If she could just keep the interactions simple, she stood a chance of getting out of tonight with her secret intact.

  Avoiding his all-too-knowing gaze, Tabby smiled and added three more ice cubes, praying they would cool her already heated body. She wrapped her hands around the tumbler and faced him. “Why would you think that? When have I ever missed a dinner here?” Patting his arm, fully aware of the tightening under her fingertips, she added, “I was just running late due to work stuff.” She certainly wasn’t admitting to herself that she’d been contemplating how to avoid coming. Only cowards played the avoidance game.

  Moving past him, she settled on the couch next to his sister, Rebecca, ensuring he had no way to slide in beside her.

  So maybe she was playing coward a bit. But at least she was the only one who knew it.

  Rebecca, or Becky to those she was close to, managed a small smile. “Seems weird. Like they’re hiding in a room getting a quickie in and they’ll swan in any minute, with the worst case of innocent looks on their faces.”

  Tabby put her drink down and hugged the young woman. Becky was the only girl in a sea of men. Tabby and Becky were kindred tomboys who both found themselves facing monumental losses in their lives. But Becky was only twenty-two and still finding her place. Tabby knew hers. Or at least she had.

  The young girl trembled under Tabby’s arms. “I’m here,” Tabby said. “A phone call, text, horse ride away. Use me if you need me.” She released her and smiled. “I’m not sure it will get easier ever, but I imagine it will become a new norm.” Tabby shrugged. “At least that’s my hope.”

  Becky nodded. A server cleared their throat from the archway, and what was left of the Brodie and Ellis clans meandered into the dining room. Tabby desperately wanted to cling to Becky’s metaphorical skirts, but she’d always sat next to Eli when he was in town, and it would only focus his already heightened attention more, if she chose a different seat today.

  He held out a chair for her and smiled. She settled, ignoring the brief brush of his fingertips along her shoulders as he scooted her in.

  Or had she? Had she given herself away? Eli still stood at her back, the heat and tension of his body swirling around her just as his arms had the night of the wedding. She leaned forward under the guise of taking a drink, and he finally moved and settled in the chair beside her. She could feel his gaze on her face.

  “Hey, Tabby,” Caleb, Eli’s baby brother, called. “After dinner, you should come down to the birthing barn. New foal just this morning.”

  Her face heated, and she avoided Eli’s gaze, blotting her lips and swallowing.

  “I would love to. Something to celebrate, I suppose.” She took another drink and smiled at Becky.

  Dinner moved quickly, and then the combined families headed down the path. The trip to the birthing stable was mellow. No laughter echoed throughout the mountains. No slaps on the back or races to be the first to grab a feeder bottle.

  Eli hung back, and despite her internal hesitation, she forced herself through the barn doors. They gathered around the newborn Percheron foal, and she took the brief reprieve of all eyes on the beauty and allowed herself to breathe.

  It didn’t last long.

  “Thank you, by the way.”

  She glanced at him. “For what?”

  “Your help with my sister earlier. Becky needs a friend, a woman. We men aren’t good with the emotional side of things.”

  “It’s hard all around, Eli, but you’re right. Even harder for her.” She should know. She was dealing with the loss of her father as well. “But I meant what I told her. Remind her I’m a call or text away.”

  “Tabby, you would tell me if there was something going on, right?”

  She smiled. “Of course.” The answer ready on her tongue, even if a lie.

  “I don’t believe you,” he whispered just before Becky joined them.

  The young woman hugged her big brother. “I’m so glad you’re finally here.”

  Eli dropped a kiss on her head. “Me, too, sis.”

  Only Tabby heard the strain. Knew to look for the tense lines that told a different story. Coming home for Eli was a trial by fire. A mixture of guilt and irritation. She imagined he’d spent more time in the woods today than with his family.

  It was because of this connection, this knowledge of what he faced each time his foot hit Gatlinburg soil that she would be damned if she was the reason he felt the obligation to stick around. She knew why he’d run. Fled the life destined for him. Recoiled at being home more than a few days. The haunted look that took up residence after only a few hours. The stilted conversations with his brothers, despite the effort she could see he made.

  No, if he stayed, regret would follow—both his and hers. He was a good, honest man who would see supporting her as his duty. His job.

  But his job was photography and living his life on his terms.

  …

  Eli was rusty with family dynamics. Hell, even people dynamics in general, if he was being truthful. After all, it was usually just him, his camera, and nature. Just as he liked it. Control. A plan. No one to let him down or hurt him. But his antenna vis-a-vis Tabby was dinging, and he couldn’t put a finger on it.

  She behaved as she always did, only she didn’t. There was a stiffness, an awkwardness. Like she was coaching herself with each step. Reminding herself how she should act. And although this morning he could have sworn it had been grief causing the change, tonight he wasn’t so sure.

  A tear streaked down her cheek as she stared at the little foal. Eli wanted to growl at his family, scoop Tabby up, and take her somewhere to ease whatever pain she was dealing with. Th
at there was something wrong was no longer a question. What is it? What am I missing? And why doesn’t anyone else see it?

  “We’re calling him SCIM,” Sam told her. “Kinda a memorial for both families.” The foal nudged Tabby in the belly, and she choked on a sob, rubbing her face along its small snout.

  Eli caught Sam’s questioning gaze and shrugged. The name was a wonderful tribute to the lives lost, but he hadn’t expected it to cause Tabby such visible turmoil. If so, he would have made sure to tell her another time.

  The more he dissected, the more he was convinced Tabby’s issue was on a personal level. The medicine comment at dinner rose up in his mind. Was she sick? Would that account for the pale skin and sunken eyes? The awkwardness with their interactions? Fear pummeled through his veins. Tabby couldn’t be sick. She was too important. To her family and his, but most importantly, to him.

  “Hey, Eli, what was Bolivia like?”

  Eli paused in his dissection of Tabby’s actions and crossed over to his youngest brother, Caleb. “It was lonely and isolated. Just how I like it.”

  Caleb frowned. “Gee, already home too long?”

  Eli shoved the guilt down and smiled. “No, I just mean when it’s just me and no group, I’m more likely to catch what I want to catch, how I want to catch it. I spent three weeks hunting that cat. Who knows how long it would have taken with a crew spooking it at every turn?”

  “Sounds…entirely not up my alley.” Caleb took a sniff. “At least you showered this time.”

  Eli laughed. “One of the many perks of wilderness life. No shaving or showering and no one cares.”

  “You still love it as much as your first time out?” Caleb asked.

  Eli hesitated and covered it with a cough. “Of course I do. The rush of capturing something most of the world would never see otherwise. Of going on their turf and surviving. It’s…I just can’t describe it, except to say I don’t know how to live without that rush. Having my next assignment is what fuels my life in between. Preparing and researching. It’s my drug, man.” It was what had taken him away. How could he not be 100 percent confident it was his future?