His Reason to Stay Read online

  Maybe a job change wasn’t in the cards for him, but he could lend his support while here. To make sure the weight wasn’t too much for them. And he could make sure to be back more often. To be more in touch with his family on a personal level. As long as he made the choices of when and for how long, he could protect the outcome.

  Eli found Tabby staring up into the trees. She turned on his approach and placed a finger to her lips. Pointing up to the top, Eli caught the sun shining off the yellow beak of a bald eagle. He reached for his camera only to remember he’d left it back in his truck. As they stood in the silence, the majestic bird seemed to nod down at them and then with powerful thrusts lifted his body up into the blue sky above the canopy.

  Tabby turned to him, a smile spilling across her face. “I’ve never seen one. I know they’re native, but nothing prepares you for…” She gestured up to the trees. “Well, that.” She glanced back at him and shrugged. “I guess for you that was nothing, like spotting an ant walking across a log.”

  Eli slung his arm around her shoulder and led them back down the lane. “Actually, I’ve never seen one here, either. Growing up, I always looked for one.” He dropped a kiss on her head. “You must be good luck.”

  She laughed and ducked from under his arm. He let her go but couldn’t help the loss he felt. Or remembering the moment she’d lit up like fireworks. Regret punched him in the gut. Life for Tabby was here and life for him wasn’t. It wasn’t fair to either of them to pretend anything more could be than what was.

  “So what’s your next assignment?”

  The question was casual, but the straight back and tense frame of the woman plucking a leaf off a branch told a different story.

  “Nothing set in stone, but looks like I’ll be headed to Siberia.”

  Her gaze darted to his. “Good lord, you’ll freeze to death.”

  He chuckled and waved her on. “I’ve been colder.”

  She apparently digested the fact with a snort as they made their way back to his truck.

  “But no leaving date?”

  Disappointment once again rose to the surface, and Eli grinded his teeth until the urge to snap receded. Why was his leaving so important to her?

  He halted her with a light touch. She shivered under his fingertips but turned a wary gaze to him. “Why do you want me to leave so much?”

  “I don’t,” she countered and crossed her arms.

  He sighed. “Look, you and I have way more history than one night in a barn.”

  Her nostrils flared as a blush spread quickly down her neck. He charged on. “If your problem with me is that you’re worried about that night, don’t be. That’s our moment. No one else needs to know.”

  A small measure of relief entered her blue eyes, but they still coursed over his face, and in that moment, Eli thought of a different reason for Tabby’s concern.

  Was there another man? And if there was, did he even have the right to ask? She wasn’t his, and now, despite a small hope over the past year, she never could be. A whole host of emotions coursed through his veins, but the one he needed to rein in and control was the hum of jealousy burning his chest.

  “You hungry? We could stop in at Gooey’s or even try the new sushi place Becky was talking about.” Food and deflection seemed the only course, but one glance at Tabby’s pale face told a different story.

  “I can’t,” she managed through deep breaths. “I have a conference call in thirty minutes.”

  “Well, maybe tomorrow, then?”

  She dropped her gaze and nodded. Not exactly the kind of agreement he’d been hoping for.

  They finished the trek to the truck in a silence that continued on the drive back to the distillery. The beginning of summer vacation season added twice as many cars and campers onto the roads. He was rusty with the back roads and would have to brush up on ways to avoid the traffic.

  As soon as Eli parked at the main distillery building, Tabby scrambled out and waved. “See you soon.”

  The words were as fake as the smile, and as she hurried into the main building where her office sat, Eli tried to convince himself that the gut feeling that Tabby hid something big was wrong. That it was fueled by the underlying belief that their relationship had altered beyond repair. He hadn’t realized until that moment how much he took her, and her support and spot in his life, for granted.

  She had been the one constant for the past ten years that he could count on to get him through visits home. Through the long shoots and grueling hikes or weather, her face had given him focus. But he had never pictured her as anything other than who she was. He’d never allowed himself to imagine her life changing. Moving forward. Marriage, children, the like. She deserved that. Maybe had even moved in that direction. And he didn’t like it. That, perhaps, was the most selfish revelation of the morning.

  Arriving at The Lodge, he maneuvered around several horse trailers lining the drive. Pulling off to the side, he jumped out and found Caleb and Lucas both holding clipboards and wearing identical frowns.

  “I thought Nickle was going,” Caleb said.

  Lucas sighed. “She threw a shoe. I’ve replaced her with Eloisa. Similar markings and temperament.”

  “Hey,” Eli said, still stinging from Tabby’s abrupt departure and the guilt from the graves. “Need some help?”

  Caleb’s mouth dropped open. Lucas’s expression didn’t change. Eli had never won a poker game against Lucas, and his ability to not react to anything unusual or usual was the prime reason why.

  “Caleb, the flies are swarming. You should shut your trap.”

  Caleb narrowed his eyes but closed his mouth. “Sorry, but you can understand my confusion.”

  Eli clenched his fists and took a deep breath. Caleb was right. Since he and Lucas had started the stud, Eli hadn’t really taken any interest in it. Sure, he might notice one of the horses in a movie he watched and vaguely listened in at conversations during the few times he was home, but actively participating? That had been zero.

  “Hey, I’ve got two able hands, and I actually know which end of the horse not to approach.”

  A quick glance at Lucas showed the exact same expression, although his eyes seemed to be smiling.

  “The exercise riders are walking them through the paddock. Help them get their blinders on when they’re done and lead them here. We’ll direct to the right trailer.”

  Eli saluted and clapped Caleb on the back. The brisk walk to the exercise paddocks helped release some of the tightness in his chest. Tabby might still be a mystery, but he was outside his family home on a beautiful day surrounded by the most majestic Percherons in America.

  A dappled gray standing about sixteen and a half hands was tied off to the fence. Eli knew the bare basic of horses, having been raised with them, but nothing specific about the Percherons of his family’s stud. Time to research some equines, especially if he was sticking around for a bit. The initial panic clenched his fists, but a deep breath and a snort from the horse lowered the rush. Eli approached slowly; the mare tossed her head once and settled.

  He stroked her nose, and she leaned against his chest, snorting.

  “She likes you.”

  Lucas came to stand beside him, and the mare whinnied.

  “I’d say she likes you more.”

  Lucas reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out an apple. “That’s only because I’ve been sneaking Meredith apples since she was a wee baby.”

  Meredith lipped up the apple and crunched happily away.

  “She’s beautiful,” Eli said, stroking her mane. “What’s she headed to?”

  “A period TV show filming in North Carolina. Third season now.”

  Eli turned. “I’m not sure I have ever said it, but you and Caleb have created a wonderful thing here.”

  Lucas stared, and Eli fought the urge to fidget. If a
nyone could see and interpret Eli’s battles over the years, he felt it would be Lucas.

  “Thank you. It became our passion, just as photography is yours.”

  Eli nodded, his throat thick with guilt. His passion had taken him away. Caleb and Lucas had worked within the company. Even Tabby had done that. Why hadn’t Eli been able to do that?

  “Well, I guess I’ll get her to the trailer before Caleb finds something wrong.”

  “He’ll probably still find something, but hey, you’re trying.”

  The words were maybe meant to encourage him, but they succeeded in driving the guilt into his chest. Meredith, sensing the tension on her lead line, tossed and snorted. He forced his fingers to relax while crooning to the mare.

  “Time for you to shine on the silver screen, my beauty.”

  Chapter Four

  That Friday evening found Tabby letting a valet help her out of the car. She took a deep breath of the cool mountain air and sighed. Early May in the Blue Ridge was the perfect blend of warm days and cool nights. She adjusted the cashmere Valentino wrap, and her throat tightened. Maybe it was the grief or the extra hormones, but she swore it still smelled of Maisie. She hadn’t been able to borrow a dress from her sister’s closet, as the difference in height and build had made it impossible, but she’d needed something. Something to support her, to remind her why she was schmoozing for a good cause this Friday night, rather than curled up on her couch reading pregnancy books and eating kettle corn.

  The valet motioned to the waiting carriage, and Tabby slipped him a tip and carefully picked her away across the uneven stone. Once settled, the driver tipped his hat, and the carriage lurched as the beautiful horses matched their step. She knew they were from the Ellis’s stud, probably had seen one or both of them as babies, but tonight thinking about the Ellises or, more specifically, Eli had the same effect as the morning sickness still plaguing her.

  At least tonight the only Ellis she would have to deal with was Sam. And Sam was carrying his own set of burdens and troubles. The saying, “It took one to know one,” applied there. It was beyond obvious to Tabby that Sam had secrets. She recognized the distant, concerned look. The weighing of answers and the fake smile. So she doubted Sam would be looking close enough should she falter.

  The carriage turned, and the Biltmore home spread out like a masterpiece lit by moonlight. Tonight’s charity event was to raise money for the Healthy Living Mobile Kitchen initiative. Tabby had run a crash course on the movement, the leaders behind it, and who might be there tonight that she would need to visit with. Which was not in her sphere of comfortable. But she wouldn’t fail. She was a Brodie and the head Brodie now, and she would be damned if her family name and legacy was marred because she couldn’t handle herself at a charity function.

  Tonight was the first step in her new professional life and her new role. Her sister Maisie had made it look effortless. She’d been born to it. Tabby would conquer it. She never expected to rise to the level Maisie had achieved, but she could fight to hold her own.

  And the fight began now. By herself. On her own two feet.

  Pulling around the cobblestone courtyard, her door opened, and a gloved hand helped her down. She shook out the folds of her dress, glancing to make sure she was as concealed as could be, given her secret, and made for the entrance. Movement to her left caught her eye, and she shrieked as Eli swept her a disgustingly handsome bow.

  “At your service, Miss Brodie.”

  Her mouth snapped open then shut. She let herself indulge, taking in his perfectly tailored tux which only highlighted the firm, carefully restrained strength he exhibited. Memories of their night filtered through her haze, and then she realized what a dilemma she faced. Now wasn’t the time to indulge in fantasies. Now was the time to attack, if she had any chance of surviving the night with her secret still hers alone.

  “Why are you here?” she snapped, urging him closer and out of the flow of arrivals. “Where’s Sam?”

  Eli’s brows drew together. “Wow, I can feel the love. You look amazing, by the way.” He grabbed her hand and tucked it into his arm. She had no choice but to move with him. They nodded at a few people, and Tabby handed her shawl off to the attendant standing inside the grand staircase hall. She accepted her ticket and glanced at Eli’s face, letting her confusion show.

  He leaned closer, his breath caressing her ear. I will not react. I will not react. “Sam asked if I could come instead. He had something to handle, and I was available.” He waited until she glanced at him, the movement bringing their lips close enough that her nerves remembered what they felt like. Do not lick your lips. “Besides, I couldn’t miss a chance to dance with you again.”

  The moment spun out. It was only the jostling behind them that broke the spell. Tabby flicked out her skirt and said to the floor, “I don’t believe there will be dancing tonight.”

  “Pity,” he remarked as they moved through to the winter garden. “I was hoping to have a reprieve from all this.”

  The strain in his voice was evident to someone who knew him. Someone who could see the false smile as he nodded. The tight lines bracketing what was usually a carefree mouth.

  “Eli, go home. This isn’t your thing. I’m sure Sam will forgive you.”

  “Ahh, but I wouldn’t forgive myself for leaving you alone.”

  Protectiveness. That was what this was about. She’d known, but a small part of her, the one who remembered their night together—remembered the kiss—thought maybe he just wanted to spend time with her. Unfortunately, it was just another opportunity for him to look too close, figure out what he’d been trying to figure out since he’d arrived home. And another opportunity for her to learn that she could do this. She didn’t need an Ellis to rescue her and support her.

  Then again? Maybe if she could manage to act like always, he would drop his suspicions and they could get through the next week or so without him being any wiser of the life growing inside of her.

  At least until he was clear across the country. Then she would let him know. Be able to impress upon him that she was fine.

  She beamed a smile, letting all the worries and grief run and hide to the compartments she tried to contain them in. Eli took in the change with confusion, and she squeezed his arm. “Lead on, my champion.”

  Surrounded by the lush greens and the domed skylight, dark amongst the hanging iron lanterns, the winter garden created a fairytale atmosphere. One she chose to focus on and allow herself to appreciate as they circled the room. Eli shot her several more glances, but she remained calm and unruffled as he steered them through the growing crowd. She could enjoy tonight. Pretend for one evening that having him by her side was normal. Acceptable and not at all the recipe for disaster it could be.

  She’d visited the Biltmore several times in her life, but never at night when the house and its surrounding grounds took on a magical aura. Her heels clicked on the marble as they took in the groups of people spread out among fern branches and small table and chair setups.

  “Want a drink?” Eli nodded to the waiters circulating with flutes of champagne. “Schmoozing and drinks go hand in hand.”

  She couldn’t help but laugh as she’d been thinking a similar thing. “No. Not yet.” Not until she could figure out how to get a club soda. “Probably best to see what all there is. Especially since neither of us are exactly pros at this.” The last thing she needed was him questioning her drink choice again. The medicine excuse would only carry her so far.

  He winked. “Brodies and Ellises don’t fail, sweetheart. We rise.”

  She’d like to believe she would rise. After all, she had never failed at anything in her life. But those had been her choices to aim for. This had not been her choice. Playing to one’s strengths was a benefit in achieving goals. Nothing about tonight and schmoozing leaned toward her strengths.

  But if Eli believed in he
r, she would, too. At least for tonight. Hadn’t she wished for someone to push her the way her father had? Eli would do that.

  If she let him.

  After a full circuit, noting what rooms were open, they glanced at the silent auction offerings that they would be expected to bid on and made their way to the banquet hall. Stationed near the triple fireplace, currently sending flames of warmth across the cavernous room, Eli hailed a waiter and snagged two flutes of champagne. She smiled as she accepted and looked across at the crowd.

  “So how are you holding up?”

  She didn’t rush the answer. He wouldn’t take a brush off. “I think your description of numb was accurate. Kind of on auto pilot. But here? Well, I don’t have directions. Finding my footing.” She kicked out her leg. “In heels, no less.”

  A quick glance of her body and the fireplace didn’t need to do its job anymore. “I think you’re doing great, and I have no doubt you’ll lead the company in your own way but one just as strong and healthy as your dad and Maisie did.”

  Tabby blinked back tears. This man had so much faith in her. And in that moment, so much of the unfairness of life smacked her in the heart. She’d lost her parents and her sister. Had been thrust into a role she’d never wanted nor planned to have. And most of all, she was constantly reminded of the fact that Eli was everything she could ever hope to find in a man except the fact that he wasn’t available. Not in the literal sense but in the physical and emotional one.

  It would be so easy to say the words that would make him hers. Not in heart and soul, but a way to have his presence a constant in her life. To have him pushing her and standing by her side as the unknowns of a personal and professional life faced her.

  But she would do everything in the next few weeks to ensure he didn’t discover just how much she needed him and his confidence and support in her life.